When
a
famous
person
dies
unexpectedly,
people
who
enjoyed
their
work
often
feel
the
loss
deeply.
The
news
of
Hayden
Panettiere’s
death
at
36
has
particularly
hit

many

millennials
who
grew
up
watching
her
performances
in
way
that
can
be
hard
to
articulate.

Therapists
and
mental
health
experts
say
that
reaction
is
completely
understandable,
and
it
says
something
meaningful
about
the
generation
that
grew
up
with
her.

“I
hear
this
from
clients
all
the
time
―
that
there
is
this
confusion
about
why
they’re
crying
over
someone
they’ve
never
even
met,”

Gina
Moffa,
a
grief
therapist
and
author
of
“Moving
On
Doesn’t
Mean
Letting
Go:
A
Modern
Guide
to
Navigating
Loss,”
told
HuffPost.
“We
have
all
felt
it
at
some
point
with
a
favorite
public
figure.
And
what
I
say
is
this:
Your
brain
doesn’t
actually
care
whether
the
relationship
was
mutual.
It
bonds
with
what’s
familiar,
what’s
constant,
what’s
shown
up
for
you
again
and
again,
even
if
that
showing
up
only
ever
went
one
direction
over
a
TV
screen
or
a
radio.”

The
clinical
term
that
helps
explain
what
many
people
are
feeling
right
now
is
a

parasocial
relationship
―
a
one-sided
bond
that
the
brain
forms
with
a
public
figure
through
repeated
exposure.
But
experts
say
the
term
doesn’t
entirely
capture
what
these
connections
actually
feel
like
from
the
inside.

“If
someone’s
voice
or
presence
has
been
an
important
or
meaningful
part
of
your
life
for
years,
through
your
breakups,
your
late
nights
trying
to
fall
asleep,
your
growing
up,
your
body
doesn’t
check
whether
they
knew
your
name
or
were
an
actual
part
of
your
life
in
any
reciprocal
way,”
Moffa
said.
“It
only
registers
that
this
was
steady,
this
was
meaningful
to
me,
and
now
it’s
gone.”

Therapist

Tychelle
Graham-Moskowitz
explained
the
neuroscience
behind
these
bonds.

“Our
brains
process
the
familiar
faces
and
voices
of
celebrities
we
come
to
know
and
love
the
same
way
they
process
real
friends
because
we
see
them
on
our
screens,
often
daily,
in
our
own
homes,”
she
said.

“This
is
partly
rooted
in
mirror
neurons,
which
fire
when
we
observe
someone
else’s
emotions
and
allow
us
to
internally
mimic
or
feel
connected
to
what
we
see
as
we
may
be
experiencing
many
of
the
same
emotions
and
events
in
our
own
lives,”
she
continued.
“When
we
watch
a
celebrity
on
TV,
these
mirror
neurons
let
us
resonate
with
their
emotions,
creating
a
bridge
of
identification.”

That’s
why
your
brain
doesn’t
need
a
two-way
relationship
to
form
a
meaningful
attachment.
Spending
formative
years
with
a
pop
culture
figure
creates
a
sense
of
familiarity,
which
can
foster
a
genuine
sense
of
companionship.

“Whether
it
is
music,
movies,
sports,
television
or
social
media,
we
can
feel
like
our
paths
have
mirrored
the
path
of
the
celebrity
and
we
have
‘grown
up
with
them’
or
they
represent
a
particular
moment
or
time
in
our
lives,”
said

Dr.
Jessi
Gold,
a
psychiatrist
and
chief
wellness
officer
at
the
University
of
Tennessee
System.
“I
think
about
this
like,
‘Oh,
that
movie
meant
so
much
to
me
when…’
and
we
have
feelings
that
associate
with
that
movie,
that
time,
that
character,
and
those
translate
to
the
human
who
portrayed
them.”

So
when
that
celebrity
dies,
you
might
feel
grief
over
who
they
were
to
you
or
that
time
in
your
life.
For
nostalgia-driven
millennials,
it
can
be
a
powerful
gut
punch.

“I
do
believe
there
is
a
special
relationship
with
millennial
grief
of
celebrities,”
Moffa
said.
“With
my
millennial
clients,
what
I
notice
is
that
the
grief
they
experience
is
not
really
just
about
the
person,
but
also
about
the
version
of
themselves
that
existed
the
last
time
they
watched
them
and
how
they
felt
about
their
own
life
and
themselves
in
the
world.
These
weren’t
just
actors
and
actresses
―
they
were
sitting
on
the
couch
with
us
as
kids,
shaping
what
we
thought
friendship
or
relationships
or
love
looked
like.
So
when
they’re
gone,
part
of
what’s
actually
being
mourned
is
that
chapter
of
your
life
feeling
unreachable
in
a
new
way.”

Because
Panettiere
was
a
child
actor
as
well,
many
millennials
literally
grew
up
alongside
her
and
feel
her
death
in
a
deeply
personal
way.

“As
we
age
as
millennials,
the
death
of
celebrities
shakes
us
out
of
our
egocentric
internal
teenage
feeling
and
forces
us
into
the
fragile
reality
that
our
own
mortality
is
real,”
Graham-Moskowitz
said.

Public
figures
remind
us
of
the
passage
of
time
and
our
own
place
within
it.

“When
a
person
who
represented
those
memories
or
versions
of
ourselves
dies,
it
can
feel
like
a
piece
of
history
lost,
or
it
can
make
us
confront
our
own
age
more
and
the
idea
that
we
are
getting
older,
our
friends
are
getting
older,
and
we
will
have
more
loss
as
a
result,”
Gold
said.
“Death
reminds
us
that
time
has
passed
―
even
if
part
of
us
still
feels
like
we
were
watching
them
on
TV
yesterday.”

Panettiere
and
other
former
child
actors
who
have
recently
passed
away
―
like
Michelle
Trachtenberg
and
Daveigh
Chase
―
served
as
role
models
and
influential
peers
in
a
sense.

“Celebrities
who
were
present
during
your
developmental
years
become
part
of
your
internal
reference
system,”
said

Chloë
Bean,
a
licensed
marriage
and
family
therapist.
“They
model
resilience,
sexuality,
independence
and
aspirational
qualities
when
you’re
just
starting
to
figure
out
who
you
are.
You
looked
up
to
them
in
your
youth
for
guidance
and
self-direction.
So
you’re
grieving
that
chapter,
your
childhood,
and
the
part
of
you
that
felt
so
connected
to
them.”

She
also
pointed
to
the
role
cable
TV
played
in
cementing
these
bonds
as
well.

“For
many
millennials,
the
TV
was
the
babysitter
and
an
escape,”
Bean
said.
“These
actresses
felt
like
friends
because
they
were
in
your
home
multiple
nights
a
week,
sometimes
for
years.
You
weren’t
just
watching
them
on
the
screen,
the
experience
felt
like
you
lived
and
grew
up
alongside
them.
Millennials
compare
themselves
to
millennial
celebrities
in
a
way
that
no
other
generation
has
before.
We
aged
with
them,
watching
them
getting
married,
struggling,
hitting
their
30s
and
40s.”

In
some
ways,
millennials
see
certain
public
figures
as
representatives
for
their
generation.

“When
we
were
younger,
the
people
we
watched
on
television
seemed
almost
frozen
in
time,”
said

Becca
Moravec,
a
licensed
professional
counselor,
trauma
therapist
and
founder
of
Full
Bloom
Counseling.
“Then
suddenly
we’re
seeing
people
who
were
part
of
our
childhood
and
teenage
years
die
―
and
they’re
not
80.
They’re
in
their
30s
and
40s.
This
can
create
a
kind
of
psychological
whiplash.”

Other
technological
advancements
further
deepened
the
connection
and
the
sense
of
certain
celebrities
as
a
constant,
stable
presence
in
life.

“Millennials
were
the
first
generation
to
have
access
to
the
internet
in
our
homes
as
a
regular
occurrence,
so
not
only
did
we
see
our
favorite
celebrities
in
movies,
on
television,
in
magazines
and
so
on,
but
we
got
a
chance
to
search
more
about
them
on
the
internet
and
eventually
in
the
palms
of
our
hands,”
Graham-Moskowitz
noted.

It’s
safe
to
assume
Gen
Z
may
feel
celebrity
losses
even
more
intensely
due
to
their
lifelong
parasocial
access
as
well.

“The
loss
of
a
celebrity
can
also
be
a
grief
trigger
to
other
grief
―
other
relationships
we’ve
lost
or
represent
a
loss
of
time,
innocence
and
childhood,
or
even
symbolize
our
own
death
or
mortality,”
Gold
said.
“And,
the
communal
reaction
on
social
media
can
also
amplify
the
expression
of
it
all.”

Thus,
the
grief
is
usually
about
more
than
the
famous
person
who
passed
away.

“It’s
not
just,
‘I
can’t
believe
Hayden
Panettiere
died,’”
Moravec
said.
“Sometimes
underneath
that
is,
‘I
can’t
believe
that
was
20
years
ago.
I
can’t
believe
I’m
not
that
girl
anymore.
I
can’t
believe
we’re
all
getting
older.’”

Therapists
pointed
to
another
profound
dimension
in
grieving
Panettiere’s
death.

“With
Hayden
specifically,
I
think
what
made
this
loss
land
so
[personal]
for
so
many
people
is
that
she
wasn’t
just
a
face
we
grew
up
watching
―
she
used
her
platform
to
speak
openly
about
postpartum
depression
and
trauma
and
battles
with
drug
use,
at
a
time
when
very
few
public
figures
are
willing
to
say
those
things
out
loud
and
be
this
vulnerable,”
Moffa
explained.

Indeed,
Panettiere’s
recent
memoir
and
interviews
added
to
the
depth
of
connection.

“Unlike
many
celebrities
who
have
struggled
with
mental
health
or
substance
abuse,
Hayden
was
extraordinarily
open
about
her
experiences,
and
that
kind
of
vulnerability
results
in
followers
truly
rooting
for
her
and
wanting
her
to
overcome
these
obstacles,
which
makes
her
loss
even
more
devastating,”
said
licensed
marriage
and
family
therapist

Becky
Stuempfig.

“When
someone
visible
says
‘me
too,’
it
gives
people
permission
to
stop
hiding
their
own
pain,”
Moffa
added.
“She
didn’t
just
play
characters
we
loved;
she
showed
up
as
herself,
in
her
own
struggle,
and
that
kind
of
honesty
tells
people
watching
from
their
own
dark
moments
that
they’re
not
alone
in
the
struggle.
That
can
be
a
whole
other
part
of
the
grief
experience
we
don’t
talk
enough
about.”

Bean
captured
what
makes
this
grief
so
uniquely
hard
to
put
into
words.

“The
millennial
generation
will
feel
every
celebrity
passing
because
we
grew
up
believing
we

knew
them,”
she
said.
“Social
media
provides
intimacy
and
daily
access,
but
growing
up
watching
these
actresses
on
shows
created
a
fantasy
that
felt
real.
We’re
grieving
them
like
we’d
grieve
a
friend
who
turned
out
to
be
a
stranger,
someone
we
only
knew
from
one
direction.
That’s
where
the
grief
hits
hardest,
and
it’s
what
makes
it
so
difficult
to
articulate.”

But
remember
that
just
because
a
feeling
is
hard
to
explain
doesn’t
mean
it
isn’t
real.

“If
someone’s
work
brought
you
comfort,
joy,
inspiration,
or
a
sense
of
connection,
the
loss
can
very
much
affect
you,”
said

Hallie
Kritsas,
a
licensed
mental
health
counselor
with
Thriveworks.
“Celebrity
deaths
can
also
just
very
simply
give
us
a
moment
to
pause
and
to
recognize
how
much
has
changed
in
our
own
lives
too.”

If
you’re
feeling
blindsided
by
how
much
a
celebrity
death
is
affecting
you,
therapists
have
some
guidance.

“Don’t
let
anyone
talk
you
out
of
feeling
the
shock
and
grief,
because
the
relationship
wasn’t
‘real’
in
any
traditional
sense,
or
because
they
were
‘just
a
celebrity,’”
Moffa
said.
“Grief
doesn’t
require
reciprocity
to
be
legitimate.
It
only
requires
attachment
and
meaning.
If
someone
shaped
who
you
became,
at
any
age,
or
time
in
your
life,
in
any
way,
that
grief
deserves
the
same
gentleness
you’d
give
any
other
loss.”

She
emphasized
that
you
don’t
need
permission
to
feel
deep
sadness
and
loss.

“When
a
death
is
sudden
and
shocking,
the
unanswered
questions
and
uncertainty
about
the
death
being
accidental
or
intentional
exacerbate
the
complicated
nature
of
the
grief
process,”
Stuempfig
said.
“This
is
very
different
than
an
anticipated
dying
process
from
a
medical
illness
or
aging.
Our
brains
and
bodies
have
a
harder
time
processing
emotions
when
there
are
unanswered
questions.”

Talk
about
those
feelings
with
a
trusted
friend
or
family
member,
ideally
even
someone
who
was
also
a
fan
or
can
help
identify
these
emotions.

“The
concept
of
‘name
it
to
tame
it’
can
be
helpful
with
grief
as
it
is
critically
important
to
identify
the
various
feelings
that
arise
so
they
can
be
validated,”
Stuempfig
said.

Be
mindful
of
social
media
consumption,
too.

“You
don’t
need
to
read
every
tribute,
every
post,
and
every
statement
if
you
feel
impacted,”
Gold
said.
“You
can
still
care
about
an
event
or
person
and
their
death,
and
detach
and
take
time
away
from
the
news,
if
needed.
You
also
should
not
feel
like
you
have
to
post
or
comment
if
you
don’t
know
what
to
say.
You
can
take
time
to
figure
out
your
feelings
about
something
or
grieve
alone,
that
is
OK,
too.
You
don’t
have
to
say
something
to
show
you
care.”

Remember
that
grief,
as
painful
as
it
can
be,
may
also
be
a
source
of
social
connection.

“As
we
mourn
the
deaths
of
our
favorite
celebrities,
know
that
we
collectively
mourn
together,
much
like
to
do
when
we
mourn
in
our
own
family
members,”
Graham-Moskowitz
said.
“The
connected
space
that
the
internet
creates
can
bring
us
a
sense
of
comfort
and
togetherness,
where
we
feel
seen.
This
can
be
helpful.
Also,
go
call
a
friend!”

And
when
these
experiences
bring
up
heavier
feelings
around
your
own
mental
health,
Gold
encouraged
reaching
out.

“If
any
of
these
deaths
make
you
think
more
about
your
own
mental
health,
I
hope
you
reach
out
and
ask
for
help,”
she
said.
“There
are
hotlines,
local
therapists
and
everything
in
between.
You
can
also
start
with
a
trusted
family
member
or
friend.
Just
start
somewhere.”

Need
help
with
substance
use
disorder
or
mental
health
issues?
In
the
U.S.,
call
800-662-HELP
(4357)
for
the



SAMHSA
National
Helpline.